Hari Sadu Again

I may have said all of this before but utter frustration and repeated stupidity of the Asshole has me writing this all over again. This is not so much for the readers as much as it is to soothe my raging mind. So, apologies if it doesn't make sense.

1. Creating a New process today and then calling me back in under one second to  inform that the new process is applicable immediately and needs to be put into  practice from today itself doesn't make you come out as efficient and productive, just bossy and idiotic.
2. Replying to every single mail sent your way for approval/decision with barely relevant questions that you know are almost impossible to answer and not at all important to the initial decision (but you do it anyways cos you are the boss) so that you can put off responding, doesn't make you very smart or fun, just a zero productive, useless asshole AND a coward who cant take ownership for a decision.
3. When you ask someone "how long will this take" and they honestly reply with "two weeks", you responding with a shocked "two weeks??!!! But I thought this won't even take a day", when you and I both know that it'l actually take more than the two weeks, doesn't make you some efficiently awesome project manager.  It makes you come off as a complete moron who knows nothing about projects.
4. Bull dozing everyone else's opinions and decisions with your own ideas and refusing to budge and then feeling very victorious that now everyone is "saying" what you want to say doesn't  help anyone's interest except your inflated ego. Eventually people will still do what they believe and your words can do their victory dance for all anyone cares.
5. And after a  few incidents of 4. above, people will  soon see that you are all about lots of noise and rattle but have no consequence, you will stop getting the chances of  making these noises at all.  Consider yourself an audience then.
6. Arguing and shouting at your subordinates who report conversations/incidents that they know shouldn't happen, and teaching them how wrong it is and holding them responsible somehow, while EVERYONE knows by now that you don't have the balls to talk directly to the wrong doers, doesn't make you come off as a honest,  righteous boss. Just a gutless coward who wants to save his own job by making the right noises, sending the right mails and uselessly  "documenting" your own opinion about the incident without being of any actual use to your seniors or juniors.  AND, people can see through this facade,  dude. 
7. After all the drama you put on, your excess upset at small delays or your excessive congratulations for small achievements that happened in their due course, both stop effecting others. Stop making a fool of yourself, for Heavens sake.
8. Sarcasm is very smart and impressive. Leave it for twitter or your friends who might appreciate it. Non-intelligent, slap-on-your-face sarcasm towards your subordinates especially cos you know they wont retort, doesn't  make you impressive, boss, just a totally disrespected asshole.
9. Finally, after NOT responding to all of the above mentioned important stuff like an intelligent person, actually responding to all the stupidest, irrelevant updates of documents (only meant for information) with remarks like "please follow xyz processes always" (which is anyways being followed) well, it just shows your true colors.

Just Another Day at Work

There are some things that really cannot be avoided in a day's work and is usually handled by employees cribbing in the cafeteria till, at times, it gets too unbearable and they leave, only to crib in another organisation. In this series, I am attempting to log a few of these things, that may at some point of time, help me from falling into the same trap as an employer or team leader (at least the avoidable ones, cos basically we are mostly tuned to love to hate our jobs/bosses). Some conversations/ snippets may be real, some may be reported by friends and some may be purely fictional. The intention is not to log the occurrences but only the learnings from them.

So, one morning, the boss person (TBP) asked me about this document I should have been completing and sending to him. I informed him that since my laptop isn't starting, I would be reworking the document from another system and sending it. To this he replies with great mock-shock and incredulity in his voice, "what do you mean by "rework"? It's just downloading a form, entering the remarks we discussed  in a new column and sending it back, right?!". 

Me: Yes. And that is what I said I will do 

(In my head (IMH): Yes sweetheart, it is that only. But even that doesn't get typed by itself, eh?)

TBP with his usual smirk: "Yeah. But, when you said "rework" the document, it sounded like there are some 100 pages to type".

Me: (this completely IMH cos I am already walking on very thin ice with him most days): Ohh really? And which part of "I'l type it again from a different system and send it to you today" implies that?!

And as if this was not enough. 

TBP: So when are the onam holidays?

Me: From 28th to 31st.

TBP: 4 days are HOLIDAYS?

Me: Yes sir (IMH: Yes. Right. Just shout like that and the 4 days might get frightened enough to become 1)

TBP, With great drama and frustration: Oh Great! This is just simply great!

(IMH: Erm....Yes. 4 days can very drastically affect the progress of this project, that hasn't moved one step in the last 4 years)

Seriously. Could you for once, just try NOT to be over smart and sarcastic and bitchy? Who in the world taught you that bosses have to be assholes, anyways? There are different ways to it, you know, which are not even very tough. Like, for eg., not losing your cool and not getting angry at an employee who informs you of a sudden hartal or a local holiday. Seriously, try it some time. It's not that tough. Not even for you, jerk. 

I completely fail to understand this urge that TBP has to render everything super-important and super-urgent, even the things, that by the judgement of a normal employee like me, are mundane and random. Who do you think you are fooling by making everything we do/don't do sound like a major crisis. It might work, once, at the max twice, especially if the employee is new to the organisation. But how much IQ do you think your employees lack, to not be able to see through these charades? And, how do you think it affects the organisation when employees get so damn used to you 'crying wolf' for every little teeny report.

It is very simple. Reduce the amount of self-importance you have, and learn to respect your employees. Learn to treat them as thinking, intelligent, sensible folks and then talk to them. You know what giving some respect will gain you, as against questioning and burning sarcasm? A little respect in return. We will want to do things fast and efficient cos we think you are sensible and worthy of our efforts and if you are saying it's urgent, it really must be. Dude, no one is dispensable, we understand that. But never ever make the mistake of considering "dispensable" as "dis-respectable". Cos both (in)dispensability as well as respect are things that work both ways.

So, in this article I would like to highlight three major flaws in TBP's ways:

1. Making a major hue and cry of a small issue like a hartal or a local holiday, knowing fully well that in the current context of things, one day, or one week, doesn't make any difference.

2. Making every single document and every single mail, a matter of extreme urgency, and following up a hundred times with sarcasm and questioning, such that finally, for the employee, all matters become of no importance. Remember the saying: "when everybody is somebody, nobody is anybody"? well, that applies to work too. If all work is extremely and equally urgent, then no work is more urgent than the other.

3. Finally, after all the hullabaloo you made to get the document, not even glancing at it for weeks together to only call back 2 months later to ask, "Had you sent it to me? If yes, can you tell me on what date so I can check". Really, dude, you can only do it twice at the max for any self respecting individual to not want to work for you or at your "extremely urgent, need it as of yesterday" documents for exactly those 2 months. 

Be realistic with targets, real with your expressions and respecting in your demands; and you will be respected and responded to.