The other phases

There is this big thing hanging in the air that I must write about. I have written about it by beating about the bush in terms of the feelings and pain I went through, in terms of another blog while I was going through it, and probably about other related issues, but never gotten to the  point. And I think it's more so because I am incapable of getting to the point with respect to this topic because there are so many many many angles to it. Major and minor irritations that affect you from various directions, multiple doubts and confusions eat at you, the guilt associated is killing you all the time, and the emotions. How does one write something that does justice to all these various pain points or manage to discuss just one of those without dragging in every single interrelated aspect.

Well, here is how one talented writer  (Yes,  cos that is definitely NOT me.) did it.  This article from a weekly column at Livemint, called Dancing Divorcee, had me vigorously nodding my head at each and every word spoken there. Of course, it doesn't deal with the emotional trauma and doubts much, that the individual felt, and instead deals with the other irritants that prevail - Another angle of the whole pain. And how! Cos I wanted to say all these things, but could never have said it better, I request you all to read up on this article for sure. So read on...

"After the most difficult thing in the world of divorce, i.e. deciding to get one, the second most difficult thing is telling the parents. Especially, if like me, you come from a ‘normal’ middle-class family.

They don’t get it, they never will. My mother, still occasionally speaks about how angry she is with the Ex. In our world, a divorce is SEP — Somebody Else’s Problem. It never comes home. It’s what is spoken of in hushed tones about far-off relatives when you meet other far-off relatives. read more....."

It's so true, every single bit of it that associated people (read: mothers) go through. The shock, the disbelief that "this can't be happening to us", the shame associated with "how do we tell people", the shame associated with "failure"(we failed, our daughter failed etc.), the blame - "Why didn't you tell us before it got to this point so we could have solved it", then finally attributing all  blame to the guy, the emotional blackmail -  "we all have gone through these feelings but we put up with things for you, "the kids" first.", then the pain associated with the final "telling" to other people. And through all these emotional stages I have only my mother in mind. Cos just as in that article, my dad's main stand was "Well, at the end of it if you don't want it, you can't do it for anyone else. Don't listen to others. They will have their own reasons and a hundred opinions to back their reasons. You can only do what you feel is right for you." My dad also asked me "You are thinking of Sid, of us,  of everything else. The problem is, who is thinking of you, your happiness?" And as the article says "For that, I will love him forever and there will always be a daughter’s gratitude to destiny, for providing me with the best dad in the world.

Destiny, just @%#*ed-up a bit on the husband."