The other day I had posted a status on Facebook on the lines of how our reactions to people/events reflects so much more about our own behavior. This was about the fear of being judged. The post went like this:
"The amount of shame you feel about telling people things about yourself is a direct reflection of how much you are liable to judge others if you hear something similar about them.
What I was trying to say is, you expect people to see things in a particular way and to judge you in exactly the way you will see these things coming from others. Your thinking, your fears are all a reflection of hoow your mind works. Not of how the other person's (whose judgement you fear).
So, you meet a person having gone through a major personal setback or eventuality and yet holding his head high and smiling at life.
You can have one of the two reactions. You can either think "Oh My God. How brave is that guy. Had I been in his place I may have been so shattered by all this. So brave and strong that he has all that pain inside and still carrying on". I know this thought cos I have had this about various people I have met at various stages of my life and continue to admire. People who have shaped me and have a large influence on how I handle aspects of my life.
But, that is really rare. More reactions happen in the second category where people tend to go "My God! Even something like that hasn't effected him/her. What kind of person are they? Heartless? Emotionless?" etc. When someone sits in front of me making statements in these lines and expecting me to agree with their judgement of the person being discussed, the only judgement my mind is passing is regarding the speaker himself. Cos, for me, these are people who are so ashamed of their own weakness regarding handling eventualities that they have to judge the other person as "heartless" for being brave, way more brave than they can ever imagine.
In short, your "judging" this person falls into either "empathy and loads of admiration and support" OR "what an emotionless creature with no feelings. How shameless."
Now you decide you is really being judged.
You can have one of the two reactions. You can either think "Oh My God. How brave is that guy. Had I been in his place I may have been so shattered by all this. So brave and strong that he has all that pain inside and still carrying on". I know this thought cos I have had this about various people I have met at various stages of my life and continue to admire. People who have shaped me and have a large influence on how I handle aspects of my life.
But, that is really rare. More reactions happen in the second category where people tend to go "My God! Even something like that hasn't effected him/her. What kind of person are they? Heartless? Emotionless?" etc. When someone sits in front of me making statements in these lines and expecting me to agree with their judgement of the person being discussed, the only judgement my mind is passing is regarding the speaker himself. Cos, for me, these are people who are so ashamed of their own weakness regarding handling eventualities that they have to judge the other person as "heartless" for being brave, way more brave than they can ever imagine.
In short, your "judging" this person falls into either "empathy and loads of admiration and support" OR "what an emotionless creature with no feelings. How shameless."
Now you decide you is really being judged.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, Lovely post. Strong straightforward on-your-face no-nonsense language, and I guess it outlines your personality since it is constant with all your writing.
You take the reader with you and make them think in your lines and then leave them to choose. Which is by far the best way to choose. Major respect for that.
Anyway, about the post, I agree, it is mostly empathetic admiration or outright dissing. Some people, most people don't know how to react to things. Then there are others who will break like a twig at every little thing. And the common human hypocrite will want to judge others so that he can benefit himself in thinking he is above everyone. This blame game is usually just an egoistic tug-of-war as far as I noticed.
Whatever the case maybe, you hit the point. By judging people who go through traumatic experiences and still stand on their feet, they are just labelling themselves squealers.
And on a personal note, you can see the squealers from a mile away.
:) Thank you so much for your kind words. The blame game is more a stronger/right(er) tug of war. "Everyone who is "better" need to know how we are more right."
Delete