There is a part of my story, one of the most important parts really, that I have not introduced in this space. The post I wrote yesterday is my first mention of that here. It is the story of my marriage. Rather, the pain and trauma I went through in the last one year alone because of certain developments that happened in this "marriage". During that pain, during those days of darkness and loneliness, during the first two unbearable months of confusion and insult and losing respect for self, tears and loneliness, I took refuge in just letting my emotions flow on a blank white screen.
Finally today, I have added those 3 months of my life as a page in this blog call The Pain. It is nothing but emotions that I could not control or comprehend in those couple pf months. The ones that probably might have been shared with a sister or a close friend. But, A. I don't have either. And B. I have not been very comfortable letting my emotions show to this raw an extent to another individual. Finally however, I decided this should be out here so that people who read this know me, know my life. I also felt that this should be out here so that if any guy who is planning to cheat or simply be insensitive and inattentive, reads this, he learns to do the right thing because now he knows the emotions the girl goes through before recovering and firmly locking him and these emotions out of her life forever. But mostly, I decided to put it here because this phase is over. Decisions are still to be taken, things are yet to be put in action, but I'm not in pain, self doubt or trauma and I have more or less put the emotions and unfortunately, the person firmly out of my heart and mind (so to speak. Cannot be completely done due some practical considerations). Right now I love that I went through this also cos this has also made me what I am today. More important than making me, this has shown me, me. Made me fall in love with me. Made me respect me and believe (no matter how conceited it sounds) that I am a much much better, warmer, stronger and truer person that I knew I ever was and than most I have ever met.
By publishing this, I am basically releasing the last remaining bit of that pain and that (shame?) that I had kept hidden from the world. This is also me, dear world. This is also what i have felt and gone through. And I am proud of being this, and coming out of this and now being the me I am. So there!. :D
By publishing this, I am basically releasing the last remaining bit of that pain and that (shame?) that I had kept hidden from the world. This is also me, dear world. This is also what i have felt and gone through. And I am proud of being this, and coming out of this and now being the me I am. So there!. :D
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