Experiences...Beyond Explanation

Many a times have I found myself in a situation where I try to explain certain experiences or just some regular aspects of my life, expecting people to know exactly what I am talking about and nod in agreement, just to realize that I seem to be making no sense whatsoever. The whole aspect is completely lost on those who haven't 'been there and done that'. There used to be a time that I would get very worked up if I failed to explain their importance and advantages. But, over the years I have learned to accept that these same things can seem to be absolutely irrelevant to others, in fact a majority of the others. But, I still wish everyone could experience these at least once and know what they have been missing out in their lives (acceptance is relative...*smiles).Well, to each his own...

So today, I decided I should make a list of some of these irreplaceable, indispensable, the most routine and yet the most precious aspects of my life...

1. Just the other day, I'd been sitting among friends-coffee, conversation et. al, and a couple of us

started talking about pets. I for one have grown up among pet dogs from when I was about 7 and can't imagine life any other way. I can't imagine coming back home not being greeted like the king of the world amidst tail wagging, jumping, whining and licking!

I can't imagine not being loved as unconditionally as that, no expectations, no responsibilities, no grudges and hurt. 'Just be around and I'l love you starry eyed for ever'. Who in today's world love's anyone at all like that? Not in any human relationships for sure...

I can't imagine missing out on the companionship and closeness of the warmth near your feet, the paw on your lap, the occasional wet licks and just the happy presence.

Also, as a kid, dealing with these lovely friends who cant speak, express or understand (but still seem to do just that), taught me patience, understanding, compassion and empathy ...Our home has never felt emptier when one of these furry darlings have not been around. Life with a Pet Dog definitely Tops my charts for the best experiences in the world, but one that you need to experience to understand. :)

2. Coming up a close second would be losing myself amidst the pages of a good book...Whether it is after a hard days work, right before hitting the bed or if its on days like today when I have little else to occupy myself with, nothing can give me more fulfillment and peace than to allow myself to travel the world through the words of a good writer, to meet and know new characters, to feel what they feel, to experience the adventures and emotions and get transported to a new time and place at the turn of each page.I can't start to explain to those who haven't or don't enjoy the experience, but I agree with all my heart with the person who said that"Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how toread a book".

3. Some time back, Pradeep and I did a 14-16 hr Chennai Trivandrum road trip. In fact, it wasn't even our first. But the reactions from most of our friends and well wishers when they heard about it were different variations of "are you out of your mind", "what where you two thinking", "why in the world would you do something so unnecessary" and so forth...all delivered with raised eyebrows and incredulous looks. Well, what can one say? The adventure, the thrill, the excitement of stopping at new places, to eat and freshen up, asking for directions, looking for road signs, the music playing, and the togetherness in that small space with no tv, cooking, cleaning, work-calls or anything else to bother you can not be equaled by many other experiences...

Whats more, even this one is a second nature to me thanks to being from a very adventurous family in the matter of long trips. On various occasions, when I was somewhere between 3 years and 9 years old, my parents, our huge Labrador retriever and I have all pooled into our tiny Maruti 800 for 3-4 days road trips from Delhi to kerala and Back, Jabalpur to Kerala and so on and so forth every time my dad would get transferred to a new place. And guess the main purpose of not taking a train? Well, just that trains had horrible facilities to take care of the canine member of our family. (Back to my point 1)*smiles. And this was back in mid to late eighties when the roads were bad, there was no inhabitance for miles n miles, no facilitites like road signs and mobile phones and you wouldnt see another vehicle for hours together, no restaurants and hotels peppering roadsides, we stopped at dhabas for our meals.

Even as I write this I can imagine the eyes of many of the people reading this article, widening in shock and disbelief, and thoughts similar to ones quoted above running through your minds. But guess what, the lessons, joys, adventures, the adjustments, the closeness and the spirit of such an experience is something one will treasure the whole of their life...

4. Since this has gone long enough already, I'l end the article with this last one, and that is my life

as an army kid. Now typically, army kids in our country have been described as " (defense) brats", "spoilt", "over confident" etc on the one hand and "overly disciplined" and so forth on the other. Well, whatever the descriptions, the process of growing up as a 'defense kid' can second none.

Since its practically impossible to compare and list out all the differences and meaning of the process called "growing up' as a defense kid without starting a new article, I'm just going to try and mention a few of the important aspects:

Let's see:

• being exposed to the importance of ranks, seniors and subordinates, orders, discipline, adherence to strict uniforms and so on very very early in life, consciously or sub-consciously.
• Attending parties, knowing the difference between formal dress code functions and casual get - togethers, learning to wish everyone as soon as you meet
• Importance of taking up some kind of sports when you see all the adults around you do the same,
• Regular picnics, shopping at the canteen, dinners at the Mess, being able to run around the whole cant. relatively unsupervised just because of the safety of being inside the area knowing everyone knows whose son/daughter you are,
• knowing almost ALL of your neighbours - playing with the kids, visiting them, eating over, sleep overs and so on. and this could be never ending.
• But most important to me was the adjustments that came with moving around once every 2-3 years, making new friends in a jiffy, accepting new people and places and settling in without any fuss, getting used to new ways and patterns without complaints, keeping in touch with old friends through letters trying to keep a track of when they have shifted cities, all of which teaches a kid of that age important traits of "adjustment", "acceptance", "compromises", "mingling with others", "meeting, talking and making new friends" and so on......

Well, when I started writing this article, it was meant to be just a list, but as i kept on, it occured to me that each of these experiences are only mean the most precious to me (along with being the most difficult for me to describe the importance of to others), but have also shaped me into the person I am today. Each and every single one of them has taught me something new and instilled in me some quality or the other, good or bad(*wink)...and I am very thankful for these and other experiences that I have been able to experience in this short life of mine and for everything they have given me.

(And once again, I wish everyone would try these at least once in their lives before judging us mad *smiles...)

Silenced By Silence

Somehow I have not been able to put into words the many thoughts, emotions and events that seem to be occurring around me all these days, while I seem to be floating through my life enveloped in a misty hazy cloud.

These past few days, I have not even been able to analyze or comprehend

anything that I have been hearing or seeing or even thinking. Every time I open my blog page attempting to write down a thought or event, I merely end up on a read quest. I managed to increase my list of 'blogs to follow' and have been reading away and envying the ease with which all the others have been able to understand and express right from their souls. But even this journey into other's hearts has failed to enable me to sort out my thoughts and put them on this blank white screen.

I have been pondering the many topics that have crept into the space in my head - from world affairs, to books Iv been reading, to the movies iv been seeing, to conversations Iv been having and most importantly, the silence surrounding most of my days, as thats when my thoughts speak to me the best. But, somehow I haven't gotten the drive or the inspiration to go beyond a few words on anything, leaving a trail of drafts in my posts list.

What I fear the most is letting this new, drawn out silence to encompass every aspect of self expression known to me, leaving me with only enough strength for absorbing feelings of complete strangers.

I wonder if I'm drifting further away from this unexpected, unnerving present that I am in, and losing myself in the strange silent abyss...

Or maybe, its just 'one of those days'.... spreading out over more days each time....till later

Unknown, Undefined...Fondly Remembered

One of the Books I had read in the recent past was Brida by Paulo Coelho, the story of a young girl's efforts to find her true calling and more importantly to unite with her soul mate. Though the book was not one of my best reads by any stretch, the author's vivid imagination and description, especially with regards to the existence of, search for and identification of one's soul mate left me with a lasting impression. An impression, which - along with a recent unexpected closeness, many conversations and now an expected yet sudden silence from someone - has me thinking... wondering.....

I don't consider myself a die hard romantic; neither am I a skeptic who strongly disputes the existence of anything I have not seen or experienced. I have not really given a thought to the existence of "soul mates" in more than a generic we-get-along -surprisingly - well OR our-wavelengths match-better-than-others kind of a way.

However, for a few weeks now, I have been wondering about how, among the hundreds of thousands of people we come across in our lives, it is just a few handful who leave a permanent mark in our heart and take a special place. No, I am not talking about the people we are destined to be born among - not our parents or siblings or the innumerable relatives. Not even our spouse or friends. But instead, those others with whom our paths cross in the long walk of life, maybe its called destiny.It may be someone we meet on a journey, in a party, at school or college, or even someone we may have met online while chatting - a complete stranger, developing a bond, a relationship that has no name, no definition. A chance meeting, a wonderful conversation, sometimes even a hope for a lasting friendship, sometimes knowing that we may never meet again......

Why does life ensure that we come across these people for such short durations and still remember them for ever?

Why have I felt so comfortable with someone, that in just one meeting, just an online conversation, I have been able to trust them with all my thoughts and secrets, been able to share my feelings?

Why has the connection been so strong and so quick that we seemed to understand all that was said, and even unsaid, found joy in discussing the most insignificant to the most important, feeling content and happy in this sharing, all the time knowing that we may never meet or even speak again?

Is this what is called destiny? Is this a kind of soul to soul connection that we keep renewed over various lives?

Is it some higher calling to teach me a new lesson or pass some message, to add a new shade to life, derived from that one meeting?

In fact, thinking back over some people who have come and gone, and some who have still remained in touch, I feel

I have learned the most in life from these strange nameless, undefined relationships. Among all the people surrounding me, who have claims on my time and attention, among relatives and friends whom I talk to and spend time with most part of the day, I still find myself wondering at times about those few, that I came across by mere chance, have spoken to a handful of times and now find myself dreaming, wondering if destiny shall ever cross our paths again...if we shall ever again speak...if I am even remembered the same way as I remember them...

As my life goes on on one side, these thoughts, these conversations seem to take up a parallel life, a different time from the one I live in, not part of this present but still a part...they feel surreal, like a soft breeze, a dream...

I wonder if such a comfort, the ease stems from the very fact that no compulsions or commitments are involved in these chance encounters. No expectations and responsibilities that come with all other defined, named and accepted relationships. Like the incident in my life right at this instance, people are free to walk away, travel places, not be obliged to leave as much as an offline 'hi', not make me feel as if I'm obliged to ask after their travels, and we go on to live the rest of our lives without any ties, guilt or hurt. All there is, is a surreal connection, a joy of having met, a hope of being remembered, a knowledge of the existence of a soul somewhere in this world that touched my soul and knows my presence. As described by Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist, in just missing each other we remain connected at some level and our hearts send and receive signals beyond normal modes of human comprehension. Or as maybe understood from 'Many Lives, Many Masters' (Dr. Brian Weiss), the people who come into our lives are a bunch of souls that have strongly connected in one life, and who keep coming together and crossing paths over further lives, thus sometimes forming close relations and ties and sometimes such unexpected quick connections that go beyond our comprehension.

I would like to once again emphasize that I am neither a believer nor a skeptic in matters relating to the spiritual, especially aspects of life, death, after life, souls etc...and this discussion is not about the existence or non existence of reincarnations and supernatural connections. Instead, it is just this recent unexpected presence followed by the expected absence, that made me sit back and wonder why I connected, understood, was best understood by and why I still remember some people and hold them special. Just the unknown regarding if I will ever speak with them again makes me touch upon all these subjects that have subconsciously stayed in memory from the time I have read these books.

So when I think of these people, who unknown to them, have become special to me in a world that exists apart from my more real world, I wonder if we are souls that have connected in other times, in other lives. If the surprising and quick closeness and trust are just a continuation of a stronger bond from some very very distance past. I wonder if my heart sends signals to theirs especially on a lonely rainy evening, just as it receive these signals in the form of these thoughts and memories, if we shall meet again in this life or if the souls shall bridge over further lives? If there is ever a definition to these relationships, to these feelings or is it the undefined that make them divine...

"Sunn rahi hoon sudh budh khokey, mein koi kahani

Poori kahaani hai kya, kisey hai pata....

Mein tho kisi ki hokey, yeh bhi na jaani

Ruth hai yeh do pal ki ab rahegi sada..

Jo barsey sapney boond boond, Nainon ko Moond Moond

Kaisey Mein Chaloo, Dekh na sakoo, Anjaan raastey"

Lines Borrowed from the song Iktara, Wake Up Sid.

One of Those Days...

Yesterday, as well as today, have been one of those days when I wake up feeling sad, bored, very irritated and snappy and an overall pain to be with. I have not been able to figure out what to do with myself. I have been feeling helpless and angry. Like screaming at the top of my lungs from the rooftop! Like taking a long drive to I don't know where and playing my music to the full...like breaking down and crying...Like................

What HAS been hurting me these last couple of days? What are the thoughts I have been fighting from taking their permanent places in me? Thoughts that I am denying I have been having and hence not talking or writing about? Let see, I''l try and put them down:

• It begins with the feeling, rather with the fact that I am standing at the sidelines watching the world go by.
• That I have absolutely no purpose to my life right now and am contributing to nothing useful.
• I have no where to get up, get dressed and head to in the morning.
• I am not important anymore. No one calls me, waits for my mail or has meetings lined up for me. I make no contributions :(
• Will I have a career again? Did I hurt the little I had built up by taking this long break?
• Knowing that there were different ways of handling this, not as simple but maybe better for the career. Do I regret my decision? I don't know! But I hate to regret anything!!!
• My days tumble into one another each day like the other. I don't even know most of the time what day of the week it is.
• I am NOT part of anything at all.
• Explaining to umpteen people why I am not working anymore!!!
• Talking to friends/batch mates/ex-colleagues/husband/parents everyone and listening to them cribbing about tough work life and how much it sucks!!! "GUYS! I DON'T HAVE ANY WORK LIFE TO CRIB ABOUT. PLEASE DON'T CRIB (OR WORSE, PRAISE) YOU WORK LIVES TO ME".It makes me jealous n I feel worse bout myself.
• The feeling that I am being left far behind in the freaking rat race that I never liked to be part of.

And so on and so forth....The list has no end and is very difficult to ignore. And I hope I have put it all down so I can now get on with it.

Mostly, I have been fighting this feeling for quite some time, not letting myself get bogged down by the fact that I am "unemployed". But, there are times like the last 2 days, when there is nothing I can do or tell myself to fight that rising fear that I may never get back into the mainstream ever again. Or the fear that everything I did the last 3 years may have just ended because of this break that I am taking now. I know it sounds ridiculous. I even know this whole depression shall disappear in a few hours. But the fact is it is still bothering me at some level deep down.

I can reason with myself just a well as anyone else reasoning with me.I do tell myself that life is about prioritizing; and not working now is because of higher priorities. On days like today I don't want anyone to reason with me and advice me on why I needn't worry because tomorrow I wouldn't be worrying at all. But today.....

And, I wouldn't be honest with myself if I didn't accept the fact that there had been other paths in front of me, different ways to manage these priorities at one point of time, and in the flurry of events and emotions I may have chosen the easiest way out.

In the meanwhile, I have been listening to a lot of music, catching up on a lot of reading, getting in touch with a lot of old friends and catching up with their lives, made a couple of new and interesting friends too, catching up on some painting etc. to keep myself busy. I have also been playing agony aunt to many frenz trying to sort out their lives and trying to be there, though where my own is going looks a bit hazy at times.

Since yesterday, I have even taken on doing dumb quizzes on facebook and have my farm and cafe on facebook have never had it more prompt.

I keep updating old photographs and editing albums online.

The things that boredom and an idle mind makes one resort to.

And its obvious from these activities that they don't fill my days either cos i used to find solace in reading and my ipod even at the busiest toughest times, especially then. Now, I just do them for the want of sitting down in front of something and looking like I have some purpose to my day. I luv books but more so when they are a solace to escape from a busy schedule. What do I do when all I have is books and I wanna escape them for some time?

I don't like the situation I am in. I don't like being where I am. I don't like to feel that I am not in control of my life and I just hate days like these which make me face up to the truth that I am not doing the best thing I could have and I can't blame anyone else for it . Today, I feel confused, angry, depressed, irritated, helpless...I know it will not last long...Its just one of those days...

And right now I long for a long drive by the beach, an expensive lunch at a nice coffee shop in a BIG hotel or resort by the beach or maybe a drink, or just some window shopping around town with some friends. Or maybe just a new activity I need to figure out...Its one of those days and its almost over...And I know I will wake up tomorrow happy to be able to do my favorite things on my own time...To read a nice book, to listen to my favorite music, even to go to a spa and have myself pampered, to think my thoughts, to sit alone and dream...

Words???

Last evening, I was chatting away with a friend(thats something

I might cover in another article if I stop deleting every single one that I start to write about this situation), an interesting chat that started a couple of weeks back. However, last evening was one of those irritating conversations that don't make head or tail and everyone talking is either angry, irritated or just tired and is rubbing off the same feeling on others.

And thats when I realized how we overused a few very meaningless and irritating words and phrases especially at times either to end the conversation or just did not have any response to the many questions being raised.

A few of the most annoying words & phrases that I find in daily conversations may be:

1.Pissed Off: Well, thats the first thing I told this friend last night when he took one look at my face and asked what was wrong and why I wasn't displaying my mind blowing, radiant and ever present smile (ha ha ha). It beats me why I cant say angry or irritated and why pissed off seems to represent in any sense what I feel cos to piss has got nothing to do with it!. And when asked if I was 'pissed off' at him? myself? "I dunno" I said.

2. I dunno: What???!!! Isn't that like screaming at the top of my voice "D-Uh! I'm dumb". I evidently made a profound statement telling someone I was pissed, which, I knew would definitely raise questions and to those I answered 'I dunno'! Or rather when I was told by this person that he is rude and insensitive and very capable of walking away from any person/friends and when obviously asked "why?" gave me the reply "I dunno".Well!!! At least we are even. And the conversation last night? Well it sucked!

3. It sucks: Can't help wondering what sucks what. Is it some clever and short way of saying that Life sucks the blood out of one? I'm not sure. But I do have the word in my vocab as well and, well, its "My Bad" :((( .

4. My Bad: Thats one slang I'm proud to say even I have never been able to adopt. My Bad??? I mean doesn't that sound ridiculous even before u finish saying it? Whatever!!!

5. Whatever: A stand alone word saying something very vague. To be honest my escapist favorite word. If you hear me say it (and i overdid it last night), get this - either I don't want to go on with the conversation or maybe I just have nothing more to say and I couldn't care less.

6. I could care less: Err...what? Could u explain. Well actually it doesn't even mean the right thing if u r trying to say "I don't care". Cos then you might just say "I Couldn't care less" - which would imply u can't care less bout something than u already do and hence "don't care". If you could care less then doesn't it mean u care a little bit? Wow!!!

7. WOW!!!: Yes, one more of my common escapist quotes, used when I'm totally speechless and don't know what more to say. I hope when I use the word it conveys by shock and speechlessness, and not my appreciation (like its meant to in English)

8. Anyways: Well, I really really have to get that off my list. I'm embarrassed to say that the word suddenly made an appearance especially in my chat conversation last evening and its not even a word. I haven't figured why anyone uses it and what its supposed to mean.

I'm sure there are many more such weird meaningless words n phrases that we use. But, to be very honest (even with myself) this whole article came up only because of my failed attempt to write one about the unexpected friend, the unexplainable situation and this particular disturbing conversation. Something that I desperately need to get off my chest and need to write down into words jut to try and analyze it better but haven't been able to think of the right words or thoughts to even start penning down. And hence, int his attempt to side track the real topic, the best I could come up with is the words that were used...the most meaningless words of the whole conversation.

Married to a Chef

Yeah, so my husband is a Chef...that too at the Taj...Wow! any girls dream right? Oh! To be married to a guy who cooks for you! Well, this article is presented to break some common myths regarding the "advantages" of being married to "Hot Guys who Cook" (to quote from the name of a television series) for all you lovely dames out there; And I am sure all the other lovely dames who are married to a chef would resonate and empathise with every word.

Now, one of the most common and hence most irritating question I have been asked about a zillion times, comes from these giggly, gushing ladies going ga ga and wondering in very excited high pitched tones, with eyes wide open, "ooooooh So he cooks at home? I'm sure you get to eat a lot of fancy things at your own home right!" Oh well sweet ones - who dream of putting your feet up and watching you favorite soaps while your husbands in aprons produce magical, fancily plated pastas and what not in front of you - the answer is a BIG, EMPHATIC "NO"!!!

First of all, being a Chef in ANY hotel in India means, you have no time limits to your work. You have to be there at the hotel when others eat, when others celebrate great holidays, when others want to throw a party and when others want to enjoy a weekend. Which means, you are hardly home with your own family to do any of those things, including eating a meal, let alone "cook".

So the underline is, if I have to eat, I have to cook. And that will be non-fancy survival food like rice, dal, some vegetable chopped and fried and our main survival tools - curd and pickles -meant to eat and live.

Secondly, our lovely 5 star chefs, being so familiar with 5 star burners and ranges and 500 types of knives for cutting, chopping and sheering different things, and 5 star pots n pans n utensils and what not, CANNOT survive in our basic Indian home kitchens. They are lost having to work on 2- burner kitchen stoves, with only the basic human size kadais, non-stick pans to cook in and one or two knives that cut and sheer everything! Ohhh no...how does one manage???!!!

So, rather than standing around explaining that you have to cook that also in that pan, and this knife can cut that vegetable as well, and arguing about "how do you manage" and "how can you not manage, its simpler and hence easier" - you might just go ahead and do it yourself. Save some lost souls in the process. :)

Now, since the guys are less bothered about cooking at home and are more keen about how to spend money on eating an drinking out, my friends of the male kind have another common myth, which goes something like this - " Hey arch, lucky you! so you get to eat free food at the Taj all the time right!". Once again my answer would be another Big Emphatic No!. I have, in the last 3 years of marriage, eaten at my Husband restaurant about 2 times. And though the food was very very enjoyable and the experience was very unique- with most of the guests staring at me in surprise wondering who this important lady might be whom all the other chefs (read my husband friends) are coming and greeting so frequently - it was not like that is my regular food fest. Plus, it turned out to be boring as my husband himself would refuse to accompany me at a table in his own restaurant. Eating alone in a 5 star, being stared at by all the other guests was not really one of the most pleasurable experiences.

So ladies, overall, my life with regards to cooking and eating has been very plain and simple -eating self cooked home food like most other wives and in fact even more sad as I eat it alone most of the times. It hurts you even more when you celebrate Christmas and New Year and Diwali and valentines and everything else alone at home as your husband is out there working hard trying to help others celebrate in style.

Well, hoping that I have not done a lot of damage by disheartening and disillusioning you damsels out there, I think I do owe you a list of some of the good things as well.

First of all, since our guys get so little opportunities to eat at home, the times that they do get to eat, its a pleasure to cook for them, even if it is just en dal n curry n the usual. For them, if you serve anything in the name of "ghar ka khaana" it will be highly appreciated. Well, this one is also case specific cos if your husband is a trained Indian Chef, then it may also lead to criticism. But that way I am lucky as my chef at home is not too keen with Indian cooking himself. So everything that is palatable in the name of home food, however simple that is, as long as it is not burnt and spoilt, you can get away with as classic cuisine.

Secondly, once I have convinced him that a particular knife can actually cut a vegetable very effectively and he is in the mood to help, I get my vegetables cut in under 30 seconds. An activity I dislike the most in my cooking process, that I find the most painful and time consuming. So that is a HUGE Boon.

Moreover, though I did mention earlier that they are hardly ever home for the big festivals and celebration, Pradeep has, over the last 2 new years eve and valentines day, managed to sneak in a few seconds before 12 am, with a lovely gooey, chocolate cake right out of La Patisserie (The taj bakery) and though we didn't spend the whole day together, that gesture has been the most beautiful. Especially if you are regular readers (there are hardly a few I know, but feels good to write those words ;)) you would know that chocolate cakes are one of my top 20 favourite things.

Another thing is, for the life of me and irritation of others who eat out with me, I cannot read a menu and decide what I want to order in a restaurant. So whenever we eat out (and again the regular readers know this is another favourite), having a chef alongside who knows exactly what means what and it suits my taste or not is the biggest boon for me...

Another unique experience has been partying after human hours. Be it one of their colleagues birthdays, send off parties or whatever occasion, the only time everyone gets to get together and party is after something like 2 am when no one in their right minds visits 5 star coffee shops most of the times. Though I was not sure whether to put this in the advantage or disadvantage sessions, as it drastically affects the bloody clocks of normal human beings like us, it has been a very unique experience to be visiting the nocturnal kinds and their parties.

Finally, though my chance of dining at my Pradeep's Hotel has been very limited, I have visited and eaten at more 5 start hotels in the last 1 year than I have in the last 25 years before. This is specifically because when we visit Pradeep's friends (college mates, old colleagues etc.) and as usual they are working all the time, the best thing to do is to visit them at their hotels, which in turn means you eat there and more often than not get the specials.

So signing off on that nice note....damsels, continue dreaming bout marrying the "hot guys who cooks" but only for the right reasons.

25 unimportant Facts About Me

Well,to be very honest, I flicked this idea from so many other blogs. I hereby list out 20 useless facts about myself:

1. I’m Thinking All the Time. If you catch me thinking and ask what I was thinking about, I may never be able to remember. I Think too much into each situation, incident, comments, remarks, individuals and just about everything.

2. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong continent. Ha ha...point 1.

3. I do believe that tough times make you a stronger individual. But most of the times I know I don't mind being weak only if it meant I never had to face tough times.

4. My music taste is pretty eclectic – it ranges from old Hindi melodies to English pop to some hip-hop to some rock and all the way back again.

5. My favorite getaway from this world is reading. I feel very uncomfortable and jittery when I'm not reading a book.However, my reading taste, like music, is very eclectic.

6. I hate tomato - Raw and Cooked!

7. The only sport I have been bearably good at is swimming.

8. I ADORE Dogs, especially Labs.

9. I get terrible migraine especially with severe sun exposure, strong smells, scent of jasmine, certain wines etc.

10. I keep meaning to learn many things - to play the violin, to dance different dance forms, to paint and so on.

11. My favorite colour varies among shades of blue.

12.Sights of cruelty to animals feels like a physical blow to me. I get so effected I can't think of anythings else for days with the sights and sounds haunting me.

13. I love chocolate cakes. They are truly Heaven on Earth

14. I am too much a "Home" person. Nothing better for me than just lazing away at home.

15. My friends call me "The Counsellor." I wish I could counsel some sense into myself most of the times

16. I am not a TV Buff.

17. I cant wink with my right eye.

18. I love to spend time in water. Be it the Sea or a Swimming Pool. I'm at my best elements when I'm in water.

19. I LOVE travelling and seeing places. As long as I'm going back home in a few days.

20. I can spend days together playing silly online computer games.

21. I just can't seem to learn to whistle.

22. I get so home sick even at this day and age that I cry my guts out for 3-4 weeks before getting used to a new place.

23. I am shy when in large numbers. I can only talk in a comfortable group of 2-3. More than that and I cant seem to make a conversation. But, I can give presentations to big crowds.

24. I aspire to open an animal shelter some day.

25. I love to try out new cuisines. Eating out at different places is my favorite evening out activity.

A Saturday in Office

This blog originated in my office on a Saturday because I could not think of what else to do to ward off these major bouts of sleep that were assaulting me. Not the best place to have my creating energy flowing but this at least helped keep my eyes open on a very boring and non-productive day and hour when none of my official mails or phone calls were drawing any responses. How we landed ourselves into this yawning, un-productive predicament today? Cos on Thursday the ruling party of Tamil nadu decided that bringing an entire state in India to a standstill would somehow help the plight of the Tamilians in SriLanka.

Well not getting into my opinions regarding this political jumble, my office decided to compensate for the one days loss by making us work on a Saturday. Since more than 50% of the people did not turn up anyways, since none of our other offices where our big bosses and other colleagues sit were working and since none of our clients were also working, what this helped to do was only to maintain that minimum number of working days that every city office is to maintain in an year.

So here I am writing a blog about nothing at all, surrounded by some colleagues on personal calls (stealing the sleeps of their friends and family because they couldn't catch their own), some others typing personal mails, some others sitting in cafeteria chatting away and some with their heads on their desks - simply dozing...

The Day of the Deppressing SMS

And just when I needed it the least. At a time when I could really do with some funny messages and nice laughs, today for some reason it felt like Archies Gallery has announced "The depressing SMS Day" to add to the list 730 days in an year!
One of the sms sent by a very close friend of mine went something like this "3 Stages of Life: TEENS - Have Time and Energy but no Money; WORKERS- Have Energy and Money, but no time & OLDIES-Have time and Money, but no Energy" - My first reaction? How depressing!!! What the hell is the whole point of our whole existence if we will never have all 3 together...Ohh no!!! But as I had already decided to not get affected by all the negativity around, I completely blinked away the message and let it go...
In another 15 minutes, a long lost friend suddenly remembered me. I'm sure we have all experienced that uplifting feeling when we are feeling really down and out of the blue, this long lost friend suddenly gets in touch with you. I always felt that it was the best way to feel better immediately - Just chat up with an Old Friend.
Well coming back to the topic - this friend of mine gets in touch with me through an sms which went something like this "When you are in light, everything follows you. But when you enter darkness, not even your shadow stands by you". What???!!! Thank You!!!
I mean, it doesn't even rhyme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could have I screamed or what. And all this on the day my favourite office person was in one of his absolutely worst "I'm-really-dumb-but you-have-to-listen-to-my-speech-for-4-hours-today". And after my 4 hours are wasted, I get another "what-were-you-doing-the-whole-day" speech!!!
And, icing on the cake-the ends with an sms from this above mentioned favourite person which goes something like this "at time of crisis, your days should be a lot more productive than today"...Ohhhh wow....

The TV show, The Famous Law or the Book - Whats my Life Become?

Recently I watched a TV show where the anchor was discussing with a few people this new-age phenomenon called the - Quarter Life Crisis. And there it hit me like lighting- the absolutely Right Condition to describe my situation which was baffling, frustrating and confusing me all these days.

In short, like many of us mid-twenties people (that describes the term "quarter life" according to the program) I find myself in a scenario where, today, I am not sure where I am and where I am heading to...is it the same place where I always wanted to head to...If not what is it that I would REALLY like to be doing and how do I figure THAT out....Arrghhhhhh it really is frustrating...

Well, how all this frustration, confusion and eventually the crisis came about. It can be blamed on the Recession, The standard enemy in the ofice, The Murphy's Law and finally the Catch 22...

The "R" word that hit the globe
Why am I suddenly thinking on those lines? well...the fact of the matter is that I am at a juncture where I am not enjoying what I do...not that i dont like what my work envisages and expects me to do, I in fact love the actual "definition" of my work if only it let me keep doing that. But, wat with the dreaded "R" word, global crisis, lay offs, being constantly scared of being on the dreaded "list", seeing people you know closely falling victim to the "list" that to extremely ruthlessly and inhumanely without any warnings or notice, everyone saving there own backsides which then leads to insecurities, lies, stealing credits, undercutting and what not it really has become very unpleasant to just wake up and head to work. Especially as now we have all been exposed to its darker sides - not so much because people ar ebeing sent off - but more so because of the WAY they have been sent off.

The person we all love at our work place
As, someone very very very smart once said "People dont leave Organizations People Leave People". In short when we get fed up and run away, its not the chairs and workstations we run away from but more often than not (statistically) we leave our direct bosses. I wouldnt even want to start describing this paticular being and the species of this being that i have been exposed to for the last year or so. (all was well before that year....)

Third - The Muphy' Law:
Well, If I didn't believe in this till now, then I have learnt it the HARD way...really hard - If anything can go wrong, it definetily will; and more importantly - Everything that can, always goes wrong all at once. Ohh what an optimistic man our dear Mr. Murphy...
But anyways, to explain things a bit more - my first year of working in Chennai, I managed to finish 3 projects with relatively happy clients and decent acknowledgements. And then started the 4th project in my 2nd year. At the end of my second year im still stuck with the same project. Why???

Well why not - One of those lovely "Non - Indian" clients who start and end their day complaining about the incapabilities of us "mere" indians to our "non-indian" bosses, who incidentaly always "understood" and "agreed" cos - the client is always right;

Then there was this vendor - who believe they are the best in the business, dont have to listen to anyone else that the client has appointed to manages them , meaning us, and thereby went on to completely mess up the project. To top it the guy incharge of the project turned out to be a Male Chauvanist Pig who thought come what may, he wouldn't even consider a girl as a equal human, let report to;

Thirdly, once again, the person we all love so much in our organisation - who knowing all the above situations and my so called "incapalities" of handling them (which in fact he was so happy to highlight all over the place) should have managed to handle them himself and prevented the snr management involvement. But though I am incapable and he was extremely capable did not manage to do any further improvement than I ever did.

And finally, all other small individual things, one or two of which go wrong in different projects all went wrong together in mine!!!
I mean is this a prime definition of murphy's Law or wat???!!!

And Finally - The great Book - The Catch 22:

Now am at a juncture where I hate the whole secnario...the atmosphere sucks...the project has gone to the dogs, everyone is scared and worried and unhappy and I dont want to get out of bed and go back there. BUT, and there it comes - i dont want to be fired as well. Before all this happened and if I get to do wat Im supposed to do - I loved what I do. I wish I could continue doing my job peacefully and I wish I wouldnt be fired. But now I hate it. I think they are inhuman and horrible. I think theres nothing more for it in this as long as I have this Huge roadblock between my job and my management and I, of course, still dont want to be fired and end up un-employed.
If thats not Catch 22, then what is???!!!

Now, i it a wonder if all this had me wondering a very simple thins- if not for some people who made optimistic Laws, wrote Books on optimistic topics and made great TV programs on more optimistic ideas, how owuld I have ever described my Quarter Life Crisis ituation through Murphy's Laws and Catchh 22?