Chances...
Anger, fights, arguments, complaints are all signals someone is sending you to let you know that things are terribly wrong and need your attention and intervention to improve. They may also be treated as a chance someone gives you to improve situations, be it relationships, difficult work situations, anything.
All you need to do is listen, take the chance and make the most of it. The focus should not be on the anger or the nagging, but the message behind it, the reason. Because, it is when the person has stopped complaining, stopped expressing hurt that the relationship has lost its meaning. They have given up any expectations of you. You have lost your chance. To save a marriage. To retain an employee. Lost the chance cos you didn't listen right.
My musings on this are as follows. I'm still a learner at this, so very novice thoughts:
ReplyDeleteTo express your feelings to somebody, one needs to respect the other person. You do not express your feelings to strangers or to people you are indifferent to.
And if that person cannot understand it, then it's that person letting you know how wrong you were to trust that person with expressions of your feelings. Feelings are special and hold so much value to oneself. If our feelings are treated like tissue paper, then we ought to make sure we never let it happen again. 'cause as far as I know, our emotions and feelings are the only things we have only to ourselves. It's precious.
So true. How much does it take for anyone to understand that if someone is expressing their pain and hurt, they are doing cos they care enough to ensure that the other person know and try to change/solve these things.
DeleteLooking at it in another way, hurt and anger at someone's action itself happens cos we care and consider them important. In other words, we have permitted them to hurt us but trust them not to. Just any stranger cannot hurt us with their attitude towards us anyways. Who cares about that.
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